Category: Dating and Relationships
i'm 18, been wid my first proper bf 4 10 months. he can't see anything & i can only see light & shape but i've been teaching him sighted things my parents showed me wich his mom & dad don't find important.
like, how 2 hold a nife & fork, how to sit, how 2 look etc.
however his mom seems 2 resent that he is takin responsability 4 him self & nt letting her do every single thing 4 him dat she can.
also she doesn't seem 2 want him 2 grow up at all.
any feed back?
She's gonna have to let him go sooner or later. Better if he knows what's its all about now then later.
Maybe she thought she had to shelter him and is now upset to find out that she didn't teach him everything heneeds to know. She may actually be a bit jealous or at least resentful that a new person is in his life and teaching him new things. I'm afraid I don't have any real advice except to try not to make him choose between you and his mother.
Hm. Don't most people at some point have to choose between a SO and their parent on some issue? This one just sounds like a bigger one than most.
Also agree with post 2.
Hey, teach him as much and for as long as you to are together. His mom an him will work out there issues hopefully but he still needs to be taught the things she neglected to by someone. Just be happy it is by someone who loves him and cares.
wow this thing with not letting go her child I had with one BF too, but he wanted to stay by her until the end of his life, so it seemed to me and as I said with this attitude he always whould stay a child he didn't want to hear my advices and things!
i'm quite lucky in the fact that my bf wants 2 make a difference 4 him self & tries 2 achieve. its his mom who tries 2 undo all i do & seems gellus & unable 2 let him grow up. right down 2 telling him she didn't like a new hair cut or a leather wastcoat coz it made him look 2 grown up.
I am proud of what you are doing.
That's the issue with many parents, at least of some of my friends that are visually impaired.
Fortunately my parents taught me that the world isn't going to wait on you hand and foot just because you have a disability.
Keep doing what you are doing, and just remember that in the near future what you are teaching is going to pay off.
I agree with Becky. I think there is a bit of resentment and also guilt on the part of the mother. Either that, or she just wants to have a mama's boy for the rest of her life. Regardless, that's an issue for him to work out with his mother. Just remember that you can't change people, but can only help them change. And, although it will be tough for you, the best advice I can give you is to try to remain nutural toward his mother regardless of what she says or does. It's up to him to make the decision on how to act, and interfering on your part will only confuse him further. Finally, there is the issue of her letting go, but I doubt that is all that's going on here. Good luck, and be strong.
I agree with post 5. I could never understand people like that. I wasn't given the tough love thing "the world is unfair so deal with it". I was treated with alot of love and support. But my parents also didn't shelter me. I suppose Mom kind of did and Joanie was more of the realistic one but anyway. I'm now at the point where I'm at a crossroads with everyone except my grandmother who says I should follow my heart and try, my boyfriend who's happy that I'm happy and my friends who are cheering me on. My parents think that this job is just not gonna work out. Mom's worried that I won't be able to go to different places on my own and that no one will buy my products because of the economy. Joanie said "what job" when I mentioned something about it to her and then just "oh" before walking away. I'm really annoyed with Mom for not supporting me, and really greatful for my friends who do. So by all means, continue to help your boyfriend. Independence is the best gift you could give him.
The important issue here is what his mother does about him maturing. If she attempts to punish him or you, or behaves in a hostile manor towards either of you, it's important that you have a short-term and long-term strategy to counter her behaviour.
I personally recommend getting him out of there so he can develop properly without his mother getting in his way, but obviously you'd have to consult your family first, especially if they are to accomodate him.
If taking tat course of action, give his mother the option of accepting and encouraging his development. If she adopts a fully supportive attitude, then the matter should be resolved.
Keep trying to teach him whatever you can for as long as you two are together. How old is he? If he's 18, he'll be at an age where he can move out on his own whenever he wants, and she can't say a darn thing. He could go to college, or to a training center, if he needs and wants to learn more skills. He'll probably have to move out, away from her daily influence, for him to really become independent, and for the things you're teaching him to stick.
I never faced this in a relationship, but I did with my best friend. We met when we were 16, and I was teaching her a lot of things her parents never had, either. Her Mom hated me for it, still does, I think. But my friend is now an independent, socially skilled woman. I didn't do all of it, God knows. But I think I was the first to show her that she could. She moved out when she was 18.
i was over his place wid his fam, & now i feel like i really step on his mom's toes. she disapproves of my changing, & acts jellus of me, but won't tell me 2 my face.
I actually have something a little similar with my boyfriend but in the opposite. He wants to do everything for me. Maybe, he's because he's from a different generation, but it's one of the very rare times when he annoys me. It's like let me do the dishes, wipe the table and don't get worried if I'm near the stove. He knows I can do these things, he's seen it before and yet, he always wants to help me. I don't wanna push the issue for no reason and I know it might be hard to change his mind but at the same time, I really need to learn independent living skills. If, Gods forbid, something should ever happen to him, I want to be able to take care of him and at the very least, I need to know these things for myself. He won't be around forever and even if he is for a few decades more, there will be times when I'm on my own and have to take care of things.
well, things don't get much better as you get older. My BF and I are in our late 20's, and his mum hated him moving out, hated him then moving in with me a year later, an worries none stop about him. I think its a mother an son thing. I think her issue was not being able to accept he had lost his sight. It was hard between me and him because of this, but eventually he realised he had to live his own life and she would come round eventually, and even if she didn't, he couldn't live a sheltered life at home with her, otherwise he'd lose out on a lot of things. Just don't make him choose between you, don't try and teach him in front of her and try to respect her views. Eventually she may come to respect you, if not to like you. Relationships between you and a partners family are rarely perfect.
She doesn't like you changing? What about your changing does she not like, and why is she so bothered about it?
yah way to go man, don't let his mom get u down, u no what your doing and teaching him what he needs to no. His Mom just need to come to terms with him growing up. She sould be glad your a good person, your bf being that sheltered and all, someone else could have met him and taught him som not so good things, u no like gettin in trouble with the law, it isn't like your taking advantage of him your helping him out no what I mean
keep it up man.